Sunday, 26 June 2011


It can now be revealed that the object has been visiting the Glastonbury Festival over the past few days. Whether it was amongst the crowd, hiding atop the tor, or masquerading as one of the stages is unclear but there have been reports that the object was seen by several of the festival-goers.

Since there is no Glastonbury Festival next year, negotiations are rumoured to be underway on the possibility of holding a festival on the top of the object next June but there is some concern about the effects of altitude sickness for participants, given the object's size.

Friday, 10 June 2011


A visiting bishop (perhaps from Berkeley) observed that its size is not an attribute of the object itself because the size of the object depends on how far away it is. Thus the object appears to be a different size to different observers. He also rejects its shape for similar reasons, and even its blackness. So how can we say that the object consists of anything more than the qualities we observe?

Trees fell in otherwise empty forests ... in the bar of the Dog and Digitiser a single hand clapped ... and in a dilapidated caravan in a nearby field, two priests were seen arguing over the size of a cow.

Saturday, 4 June 2011


The object seems not only to look black; it is black at all wavelengths.

Mobile telephone companies were investigating complaints of a hole in coverage near to the object and it became apparent that it was blocking signals. No signals were detected if the object was between the cellphone and the tower. Further investigations revealed that this also applied to television signals and any other radio wavelengths not long enough to be refracted around it.

The strangest result was from thermal imaging. The object appears black when viewed through a thermal camera, which would normally mean that it is extremely cold. However, those brave enough to touch the object have said that it feels to have no temperature at all: neither warm nor cool to the touch.

No radiation of any kind or any wavelength has so far been detected coming from the object.

A passing engineer pointed out that a totally black object is absorbing radiation and must be storing it somewhere. "If it is heating up inside", she said "it is keeping it well hidden."