Thursday, 25 August 2011


It has rained almost continuously for five days. This is of no concern to the object because, as with the proverbial duck, water just runs off. In fact, the object is seen to be not only impervious to water, but also does not get wet. Water in no way clings to the surfaces of the object and tends to form drops which rapidly move towards the ground.

The local council, however, are most concerned about this and say that it is the object's responsibility to disperse such rainwater as falls upon it, ideally into soakaways or, failing that, into appropriate drainage for which a charge should be levied.

None of this seems to bother the object, whose latest party-piece is to behave like a large block of water such that when prodded, waves can be seen to radiate away from the point that is so attacked. It is most un-nerving to see this happening on a vertical surface.

Wednesday, 10 August 2011


The object has been troubled by rioters. The police say it did nothing to discourage potential looters since it occasionally took on the guise of a department store while resolutely resisting any attempt at breaking in. Any bricks or bottles thrown at it were returned along the reverse trajectory to the thrower; but later inspection revealed that the missiles had somehow been turned into soft foam replicas of themselves.

After an hour or so of fruitless mayhem the object suddenly gave off a bright burst of light and everyone in the vicinity stopped what they were doing, looked puzzled and then walked off, commenting that they were late for their dinner, or the dentist or some other imagined appointment.

Within a few minutes the area was deserted and quiet again with just foam bottles and bricks lying on the ground to testify to the incident.

Monday, 1 August 2011


A number of real estate agents have been seen wandering around the object. When challenged one said that she had been summoned by a note pushed under the office door which asked her to value an 'unusual bijoux riverside property' for sale or rental.

After a while, and some heated discussions, it appeared that each of the agents was seeing a different property, and none were actually seeing the large jet-black block that was actually there. One saw 'a delightful three bedroom cottage boasting period features', another described 'a modern system-built four bedroomed property in the manner of Frank Lloyd Wright' and a third simply said 'I'm not touching this wreck unless they patch the roof and shore up that crumbling wall'.